I remember reading an article recently about happiness. Specifically, it was about how scientists are unable to explain what exactly happiness is or how we obtain it, and how we as humans are constantly missing the mark in making ourselves happy.
They give this example that I’ve used in a few conversations recently – and unfortunately I don’t remember where the article is online or I would give a link – an example of how people do something they think will make them happier but over the long run they are actually unhappy because of it. When looking for houses, one of the trends you notice is that a house in the suburbs is much cheaper than a house close to the city – such that you can get a lot more house for the same amount of money a small house is in urban areas. And when people judge houses, they think a nicer house makes one happy.
The catch is that living in the suburbs means your commute can grow quite a bit longer – the average commute in America today is between 45 minutes and an hour I believe. And being stuck in traffic on a daily basis means you are unhappy. Plus, being stuck in traffic means you have less time to spend at your nice house – meaning you don’t feel as fulfilled.
There is another trade-off as well – if you live in the suburbs then it is likely you don’t have a strong community that is close by because all your friends probably live in different suburbs or closer to the city. Distance between friends means it is less likely you’ll see them as much, and your happiness reflects this.
But we misjudge what will bring us happiness in life a lot. Sometimes it is with food – we eat too much food or we eat an extra dessert and feel bloated, sick, and a little guilty about it. Sometimes it is in relationships – we think doing something at the sacrifice of a friend or significant other will make us happier but if the relationship suffers, it probably doesn’t win on the net happiness scale(think: choosing to go do one activity in regard to spending time with that person, or not doing a chore for your spouse because you want to watch a ballgame).
In America of course, we are free to make these mistakes because we have a constitutional right to pursue happiness but no right to actually achieve it. But when I read that article about happiness it made me start thinking about the things in my life that actually bring me happiness. The results were interesting.
One of the things we seemed to be hardwired to think as humans is that we will be happier if we are selfish. We equate pursuit of happiness as the ability to seek out what is primarily best for me. If this were a conscious thought it might be laughable, but like I said, it seems to be the hardwired thought process in our heads. A brief examination of this thinking made me realize that my hardwired thinking is ridiculously wrong most of the time.
This morning I woke up early and went out to weed our garden. As it is almost summer here in Nashville, it was already warm by 8:30 and it was hot by 9:30 but I stuck with it and finished the weeding. I can without a doubt say that sitting out there in the dirt and hot sun weeding was a little bit miserable, but the happiness I have now from being able to look at a weed-free garden is extremely fulfilling. The selfish, me-first part of my brain was totally justified in saying there is no reason to actually do this, it’s not necessary right now, it’s too hot, etc. etc. But that part of my brain wasn’t trying to make me happy.
The same happened this past week, when I rode my bike to work and then the next day rode it home. The bike rides can be a little painful. I’m out of shape, just enough that my body really hates me for making it do the 5 mile bike ride. But the happiness and fulfillment I have upon arrival at work is honestly unattainable any other way because I’m happy with myself for succeeding. This is not to mention the sheer joy of riding my bike when I’m not going up a hill – the world takes on a new and beautiful look from two wheels that I am powering.
It seems like the happiness that a freshly weeded garden provides would be obvious, but it takes fighting a lot of laziness and selfishness to get to that point. Same with the bike ride, same with the decision to buy a smaller house closer to the city than to get a larger one in the ‘burbs.
I guess what I’m writing about here is how it’s nice that if I take the time to weed out the stupidity in my head, and I make a few sacrifices (hills on my bike, gardening in the sun, etc. etc.), in the end I’m a way happier person. I hope this awareness continues to grow.