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Many critics have already railed against this film for being gimmicky. I’m here to tell you they are right. But most of those critics saw the film for free, meaning that they didn’t get the full experience that I had last night. Freya and I decided to see the film on the IMAX screen in 3D, and we might have rethought that if we’d asked the price before purchasing the ticket. The tickets were $14.50 apiece – $6 more than your regular movie ticket.

When you go see 3D movies on IMAX, the theater gets to add two upsell fees – $3 for IMAX, and $3 for 3D. If the film were good, if it were interesting, I’m fairly sure I’m ok with paying $6 extra dollars per ticket to enjoy the film on the biggest screen possible. And 3D on IMAX was definitely cool.

Monsters vs. Aliens was not good or interesting though. I guess when one takes inspiration from B-Movies and then attempts to write a kids movie, one cannot make anything more than a B-movie. And when a studio undertakes the effort, with its legions of writers and focus on the bottom-line, and when the film becomes the Studio-head’s seminal effort to show off the awesomeness of a new technology, well you can guess that there are a couple things that fall to the wayside in making that film.

Those things are plot, characterization, plot, and refinement of plot. Monsters vs. Aliens is, when it comes down to it, a demo-reel for 3D technology. There are some funny gags and a few laugh-out-loud lines or scenes, but overall, there is very little substance to this movie.

You shouldn’t misunderstand either; I love a good kids movie. I was all about suspending some disbelief and having some fun with Monsters Vs. Aliens. But the writers through every possible idea they could come up with into a bucket, and it just kind of came out looking like mud. Here’s some of my main complaints:

• The monsters are lame. The supporting monsters are all cardboard characters that we don’t really get to know at all. The filmmakers couldn’t decide if they should be “realistic” (meaning they could be explained by “science”) or if they should be monster-ish, so they are both. And it doesn’t work.
• The humans vary between cartoonish (see next point) and attempts to be real (like with the monsters). The President is a pointless character as are the general and Susan’s parents, but Susan herself is an attempt to bring a moral to the movie so they can’t make her too cartoony. It just feels stupid.
• The General is a clear mish-mash of every General in every war film that was already a parody – most obviously that I saw was Gen. Buck Turgidson from Dr. Strangelove. Apparently when you parody a cartoonish character by making him more cartoonish, no one finds it funny.
• And last of all, the battles were lame. I mean, with a title like Monsters vs. Aliens, there’s an expectation that you’ll have a battle of epic proportions, something like the old Godzilla movies. Nope, no go.

But honestly, I think I would have enjoyed the movie more if not for those ticket prices. It just wasn’t worth it at all.

Fine Point
December 22, 2008

Why go to Sunday school, though surlily,
and not believe a bit of what was taught?
The desert shepherds in their scratchy robes
undoubtedly existed, and Israel’s defeats-
the Temple in its sacredness destroyed
by Babylon and Rome. Yet Jews kept faith
and passed the prayers, the crabbed rites,
from table to table as Christians mocked.

We mocked, but took. The timbrel creed of praise
gives spirit to the daily; blood tinges lips.
The tongue reposes in papyrus pleas,
saying, Surely - magnificent, that “surely” -
goodness and mercy shall follow me all
the days of my life, my life, forever.

(Published in the New Yorker, Mar. 16, 2009)

RIP Mr. Updike

The other night my wife and I settled in for a movie night and she chose “High Fidelity,” one of my all time favorite love songs. That’s one reason I married her; her good movie taste. So we watched it and when it was over I was in the mood to make a top 5 list (since that’s what the characters in them record store do all day), and this morning on my way to work I did. 

So here they are, my top five movies about love (not necessarily Romantic Movies)

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
(Written by Charlie Kaufman, directed by Michel Gondry)

What can I say; this movie is not only top 5 movies about love, it is a top 5 movie for me period. The screenplay is brilliant, the directing is wonderful, but what gets me is after all that the two characters put themselves through; their moment of grace (and “true” love) is at the end, when they stand in the hallway and look at each other and say “Ok.” Right then and there, they grasp that love isn’t about being happy, it’s about so many deeper things that they won’t have unless they love each other for their worst parts.

2. The Princess Bride
(Written by William Goldman, Directed by Rob Reiner)

The best fairy tale ever told on film; it promises to have everything and it fulfills. This movie somehow rises above the cheesiness it could have to stand the test of time and age; making it somehow a film that feels as old as Casablanca and as new as last weeks’ big release. Sure, it doesn’t wrestle with the complexities of love, but there’s no better classic romance on film that I know of.

3. Annie Hall
(Written and Directed by Woody Allen)

This is another film about love, but it takes it from the angle of why didn’t it work out. Woody Allen uses all tricks and gimmicks available; from thought subtitles and animated sequences to breaking the fourth wall by dragging in Marshall McCluhan to bring depth to the characters and weight to the questions that he raises in his opening monologue. This film deftly explores the myriad of issues that lead to displeasure, unhappiness and ultimately the breakdown of relationships we go through.

4. High Fidelity
(Written by D.V. DeVicentis, based on a novel by Nick Hornby, directed by Stephen Frears)

This film gets me for the scene where Rob asks Laura to marry him; as he rambles about liking other girls and how he is “tired of the fantasy” but he “never seems to grow tired of her.” It’s not exactly the most romantic scene in the world, but it is a humble admission from a jackass that he needs to grow up, and he can’t see himself doing that without her around. This film also features Jack Black in one of the few roles that makes it seem like he’s acting, and a strong appreciation for the power of music.

5. 10 Things I Hate About You
(Written by Karen McCullah-Lutz & Kirsten Smith, directed by Gil Junger)

There are probably better films out there about love; maybe something by Krystof Kieslowski or another foreign film, but I couldn’t think of any of them and this film is just a personal favorite. It’s been a long time since teen movies didn’t equate sex with love, but I guess the Shakespearean roots of this film helped it along (It is based on the Taming of the Shrew). Yes, it is set in a high-school and yes the characters are all clearly high-schoolers, but somehow this  movie reminds us that love is often about sacrifice and forgiveness, and it has a rollicking good time reminding us of that.  

Yeah I know, this is a tip to you who are engaged from a man. Obviously it’s going to be about sex or something.

WRONG!

So, while you’re all coming to my wall to write me birthday wishes you might as well hear something interesting from me. 

When you get to the part of wedding planning where you choose your music; CHOOSE WISELY.

Eschew the standard and go for the personal. 

Freya and I had Kelley sing Over the Rhine’s I Want you to Be My Love for the Processional, then we played Devotchka’s “How it Ends” for Freya’s entrance, and then we left to Sigur Ros’s Hoppippolla.

Not only did we get lots of compliments for good music choices; which they were, but we also will ALWAYS think of our wedding when we hear these songs.

This morning on our way to work I put on Sigur Ros’s album Takk, and when Hoppippolla came on we looked at each other, as we do every time we hear the song, and said “WE’RE MARRIED!”

It was a beautiful moment to us, and cheesy I’m sure to the rest of the world.

So, my argument is, if you pick a song that is a favorite, but one that will be a long-time favorite (not your flavour of the week), then from that moment on whenever you hear that song you’ll think about that glorious day.

And honestly, I’ll go ahead and say it, steal Sigur Ros’s hoppippolla for your wedding because it’s one of the most glorious, heavenly songs ever. It’s short, right around 4 minutes, but it starts with a lone piano and crescendos with what sounds like a full string section. 

Here, just watch the video and agree:

Hoppipolla from ESLA on Vimeo.

(One of my most favorite music videos ever also)

If you’ve listened to the episode of This American Life that came out Sunday, you’ve heard the short play by the Neo-Futurists. It’s kind of a deconstruction of a conversation – instead of making a statement, they simply say “Statement.” It ends with a brilliant line that is currently my status on Facebook. 

My wife and I have listened to it the past two mornings on the way to work, and laughed so hard we were nearly crying each time. Just now, inspired by that play, we had our own conversation via facebook chat. I’ll relay that for your enjoyment.

 

Freya: enthusiastic greeting!

Winston: enthusiastic greeting!

Freya: kind-hearted question

Winston: generic response
                  return of kind-hearted question

Freya: generic response
             bland statement

Winston: agreement

Freya: over used internet short hand accompanied by light hearted and funny statement

Winston: Complaint

Freya: sympathetic response

Winston: Affectionate statement

Freya: returned affectionate statement
            witty and sweet remark

Winston: Typed laughter

And while I’m relaying interesting things, check out these lyrics from the band MGMT. This is off their latest album Oracular Spectacular, and it’s the first cut Time to Pretend.

I’m feeling rough, I’m feeling raw, I’m in the prime of my life
Let’s make some music, make some money, find some models for wives
I’ll move to Paris, shoot some heroin and fuck with the stars
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars

This is our decision to live fast and die young
We’ve got the vision, now let’s have some fun!
Yeah it’s overwhelming, but what else can we do?
Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?

Forget about our mothers and our friends
We were fated to pretend

I’ll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I’ll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I’ll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I’ll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone

But there is really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew
The models will have children, we’ll get a divorce
We’ll find some more models, everything must run its course

We’ll choke on our vomit and that will be the end
We were fated to pretend

Depressing indeed, but quite a wonderful expression of the world today. It caught me offguard, especially considering the sound of the song (quite poppy). I highly recommend it.